summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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