Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
