Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
