I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
