i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
