i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
