I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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