I feel great
I just peed on a car
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
