I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
