sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Text me some of your sweat
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize