Are we in a gay sports bar?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
