Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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