Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize