I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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