I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
