Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
