My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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