Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
