I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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