Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
