Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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