WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
