google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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