8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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