i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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