so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
