I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize