there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
