everyone is single if you try hard enough
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
