I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
