I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i out mim tonsoeep
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
