I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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