i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
