I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We're too hungover to prance.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize