so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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