You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
