It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
