I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I love you. Go after that dick
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
