I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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