I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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