Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
