Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
