I have demons in me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I touched a dick in church today
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