Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Randomize
