Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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