Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
