This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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