did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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