I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
