I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
