Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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