By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
