My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
