i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
