I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
