im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
