to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize