im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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