are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
