I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
dude. I can hear the air.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
