know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
