Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
