Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
