Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
