Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
