I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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