I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
