Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
