That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
