i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
