awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
