Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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