i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
as a side note pls kill me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
