Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
