You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
