so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
