Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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