All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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