I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
