Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
so much tequila, so little girl.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
