You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
