I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
