I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
