It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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