Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
