I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
