someone owes me an orgasm
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize