dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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