Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
