I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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