***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
