and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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