she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
