But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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