he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
