I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
