well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
