please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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