first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
