just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
