But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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