hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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