hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
