she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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