I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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