my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
