dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
