Cold hands, warm shart.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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